I distinctly remember sitting in the way way back seat of our families stations wagon, you know? the one with the rear facing seats? that I’m pretty sure we were not even wearing seat belts. It was the ‘80s after all. My sister and I played Star Wars while my dad and mom sat a comfortable distance from us in silence to undertake the trip to our grandparents house just west of Boston.
I shot laser beams out of my light saver to oncoming traffic while my sister was on high alert for oncoming threats.
Pew, whoosh, pew pew, whoosh
“I got one we are safe”
“Not for long, look at the big 18 wheeler coming up behind us...” she said
Pew,whoosh, pew, pew
“I need back up, grab your weapon.”
Luckily, the two of us combined were able to fend off the 18 wheeler.
Now what? All told I think we were able to stay immersed in our game for a solid 20 minutes. Sitting still for long periods of time was never a skill set I had.
Then, I just had to know. I knew I shouldn’t ask. I just knew it. I knew what the reply was going to be I just did. Just as sure as I was about the fact I HAD to wear a pretty dress to visit Grandma and Grandpa so I looked PERFECT for THEM.
I couldn’t hold it in any longer. The words escaped me.
I just knew what they would say. I just did. But I did it anyway. I couldn’t help it. I was sitting on idle time.
“ARE WE THERE YET?”
Clearly, obviously, not. Clearly we were well en route on 93 south with just over an hour left of our trip.
What was I expecting?
Uh...not quite...we have a ways to go. Replied my Dad.
This question seemed to be the driving force of my existence for the next three decades of life.
ARE WE THERE YET? AM I THERE? HAVE I ARRIVED? WHERE AM I GOING ANYWAY?
I was hugely mistaken about this illusive THERE anyway. For a long time I never thought I would make it past twenty. Then when twenty came and went I was quite certain I would never see the light of my thirtieth birthday. Then when thirty came and went....I realized I was living into the other side of my there and it might be a good time to evaluate, just in case, god willing I make it another 5, 6 or 10 decades to decide what I want my NOW to be so I am not so concerned with or attached to the future of there because where I am HERE, NOW is my then there. Get it?
The there always changes. It just does. For as long as I get to be a living breathing entity in this physical realm, my there will be forever evolving with the density and destiny of time.
My there depends on these questions
Have I grown?
Have I changed?
Am I a better person NOW then I was 5 minutes ago?
Where am I headed?
Where am I going?
Where am I now?
What do I want?
Not what does society expect of me.
Not what do my friends think of me.
Not what are the social expectations of a woman in her mid thirties. Am I measuring up?
None of that.
Just in the here and now. Diving into the practice of being me. Centered in my power. My personal power of experience, wisdom, insight, humility, and wit. Accepting of what is. Frustrated by what isn’t. Understanding of the wholeness of the evolution of our species.
And just showing up. Keep showing up. Because the there I want, is already, and always was, HERE.